


Hypothetically

by ChloShow



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: M/M, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 11:53:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6802714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChloShow/pseuds/ChloShow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dinesh complains to Gilfoyle about Erlich stealing Karen away from him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hypothetically

The house is quiet besides the torture of Erlich’s Sadé seduction mix. Dinesh had planned on having a nice cultured date with a pretty lady and the possibility of sex, but _no_ , Erlich had to ruin it. At least this time Gilfoyle hadn’t commandeered his love life…

“Still in there, eh? What do you think; will they ever find those earrings?”

_‘Gilfoyle as the soundtrack to my failed love life. Great.’_

“Funny thing about lost items: Always in the last place you’d look.”

 _‘Was he gloating now? ‘_ Before Dinesh has the chance to respond, Gilfoyle’s returned to his room, leaving the door open ostensibly to watch the night’s horrors continue to unfold.

_‘Fuck it. I’m going to complain to someone eventually, and it may as well be Gilfoyle.’_

He casually approaches his friend’s section of their shared living space to find Gilfoyle lounging in his pajamas, reading a book and sipping on a beer from a quiet corner of his room.

“Hey…can I come in?” He leans on the doorframe, looking as pathetic as possible.

“Sure, just close the door. I don’t want to catch Erlich parading around the house naked after his sexual conquest.”

Following the request, he shuts the door and looks around the room for a place to sit. Desk chair? No, he might masturbate there. But the only other option is the bed, a box spring and mattress outfitted in a geometric-pattered bedspread, and he most definitely has sex there. Uncharacteristically, the bed’s actually made (most likely to obscure the various cum stains on the sheets), _‘Fuck it. I can’t delay this anymore. And I’m not sitting on the floor, so--’_

“This is about Karen right?”

As Dinesh settles on the bed, he retorts bitterly, “What else would it be about?”

“I don’t know, some other soul-crushing event could’ve transpired in the last 15 minutes,” Gilfoyle reaches the distance it takes to set his closed book on the computer desk.

“I just want a chance, ya know?” he’s switched from quiet despair to ‘ready for a heart to heart,’ which is unexpected and dangerous, “I can’t even spend one hour with a girl and it not end in disaster. I’ve never really dated someone, and I feel like maybe they can pick up on that.”

With a sigh, Gilfoyle rises from his armchair, sitting a safe distance away from Dinesh on the bed and patting him encouragingly on the arm, “You reek of inexperience, my friend.”

“Thanks, that’s really helpful to know I’m just as desperate as I seem.”

“This may seem like a strange question, but do you know what a date is for?”

Dinesh tries to respond, but Gilfoyle cuts him off, “Besides for sex.”

He’s stumped, and Gilfoyle decides to take pity on him, “I don’t know if your upbringing made you naïve and stupid or if you’re just as willfully ignorant as you seem—“

“Again, thanks.”

“But you date people because you want to spend time with them. There’s no ulterior motive. I dated Tara because she was hot and cool, and I didn’t try to pretend to care about ‘dubbing vs. subbing’ to impress her.”

Hearing his douche-y actions spelled out to him hurts more than he thought it would. If women knew the real him, they’d be totally unimpressed, but he wasn’t good enough to create a convincing fake self either.

“Do you really want to date Karen?”

Dinesh considers the question and takes longer than he expected to answer, “Maybe?”

“What do you like about her?” Fuck, it’s like pulling teeth. Not baby teeth; big, fully-grown wisdom teeth with gnarly roots.

“Uh,” again with the thinking. He really needed to have these questions in advance to rehearse his answers, “She’s tall, smart, independent, and…brunette?”

“Congratulations, you just described me,” he deadpans, “Specifically, is there anything about her that makes you want to spend time with her, or is it just sex? Just sex is totally fine, by the way. I just want you to admit you have no desire to date her or any of the other women on your dating profiles.”

“Just sex,” was Karen even that attractive? Online she seemed very appealing, but it was such a hassle coming up with topics to discuss, and there wasn’t really that spark he was hoping would tell him that they were compatible.

“Good. Problem solved,” Gilfoyle acts as if the conversation has reached an end, but before he can stand up and get back to his reading, Dinesh crashes.

“ ** _Fuuuuuck,_** ” he falls backwards on the bed, zoning out at the ceiling, “Here I was convinced I was in love with her when I don’t even like her. Who _does_ that?”

“I know you’re surprised at how shitty a human being you are, but it’s fine. Most people are shitty. Now you know what not to do, or you keep doing it. It’s all on you,” he stoops over Dinesh, amused by his friend’s thousand-yard stare.

“Gilfoyle?”

“Hm.”

“I know this is a stupid question, but pretend like it’s not stupid for a second.”

“I can’t guarantee that.”

Dinesh takes a deep breath and swallows before asking, “How do you know if you like somebody?”

“You’re joking.” When he sees that Dinesh is definitely not joking, he searches for a reasonably snarky yet informative answer, taking a spot next to Dinesh on his back and talking to the ceiling, “You like somebody when you’re willing to watch their favorite reality TV show despite your opinion that reality TV is the scum of popular media. Or you go out to dinner and not talk the entire time because you just want to be with them. I could keep going, but it’s really demeaning to explain this.”

“Keep going,” he’s quiet, almost scared.

“Hhh, you like somebody when you want to talk to them all the time or do sappy shit with them like hold hands and stay in bed all morning.”

The last line in the list brings it to Dinesh’s attention that the two of them are laying in bed together with an incredibly inappropriate amount of tension and not enough space separating them.

He attempts to smother the atmosphere the only way he knows how, “The reality TV thing is going a little far. HGTV has its merits.”

The joke doesn’t disarm the situation, and worse still, Gilfoyle has propped his head in his hand, staring down at Dinesh expectantly, “Was that comprehensive enough, or do I need to go further?”

“No, I think I get it,” without a second thought, he leans his head up, meeting Gilfoyle for a kiss and running his hand through his thick hair. The beard usually grosses him out, but right now Dinesh makes a note to remember how it feels on his face.

The two of them adjust positions, and there’s a small moment of panic when Dinesh senses where they might be heading.

“I don’t want to have sex.”

Gilfoyle smirks, removing his glasses and tossing them in the general direction of his armchair, “That’s fine. We can make out without either of us cuming in our pants. Hypothetically.”


End file.
